Successful Co-Parenting Requires Strong Communication and Cooperation
Let’s be honest. Even the happiest couples don’t always agree on every decision when it comes to co-parenting. And when parents are no longer a couple, there may be even more disagreements about the other parent’s choices. Regardless of who you are parenting with – a spouse, an ex-partner, a step-parent or grandparent -- you can find a middle ground that best supports your children’s well-being and health. But know that it takes understanding and work from all parties to reach it.
A good co-parenting relationship acknowledges and agrees that the children are the priority. Your goal as a co-parent should be to collaborate and make the very best decisions that help your children thrive.
Whether you are experiencing challenges about your family’s parenting philosophy, style, or expectations with your current partner or with your ex, many of the same issues occur and best practices apply to any co-parent situation.
Below are some tips on what to do (and what NOT to do) to help you be the best co-parent possible.
Do . . .
Do stay child focused. Period.
Do communicate, communicate, communicate. Create open communication pathways where you calmly, effectively, consistently, and directly (not through your children) talk with your co-parent. Keep them in the loop about what is happening with your child when they are not there so it can be an easy transition if your child regularly shares time between two households. Also, agree on which communications channels (phone, text, email, in-person) to use and when.
Do keep a regular and consistent schedule. Children love routine and consistency. And co-parents need it too if they are going to maintain their work and personal lives and still be dependable for their children and the other parent. Consider sharing an online calendar to omit schedule break downs and share important events like school functions, practices, and parties.
Do create a written parenting plan that outlines your basic agreements on the most important things like which behaviors require discipline and what those consequences are, education, spiritual upbringing, health, internet and screen usage, bedtimes, etc.
Do acknowledge and appreciate your co-parent. Hopefully you are both trying your best to be good parenting partners and it is easier to do so when the other person recognizes your efforts. Help your children celebrate your coparent’s special days like Mother’s or Father’s Day, birthdays, or personal achievements by suggesting the children make a card or give a gift you bought.
Don’t . . .
Don’t talk negatively about your co-parent or their family to or in front of your child. And don’t allow others to do so either.
Don’t manipulate or guilt your co-partner or your child. Your children need relationships with each of you and should feel secure that they can love both of you without feeling guilty. Additionally, don’t use your child as a pawn to get your co-parent to agree to your requests.
Don’t make big decisions concerning your child without first talking with your co-parent.
Don’t disagree with your co-parent in front of your children. Deal with issues and disagreements in private.
Don’t make your child choose sides between you and your co-parent. They are not your sounding board or with who you share your frustrations about the other parent. They are children and should be treated as such.
Check out these articles for more strategies and to learn more about creating strong co-parenting relationships:
Coparenting: Are You on the Same Page? from Zero to Three
Coparenting from National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse
10 Signs of a Healthy, Effective Co-Parenting Relationship from VeryWellFamily
