Learn More About How Young Children Form Friendships and a Parent’s Role in the Process
As your young child ages, you may be curious as to when and how they’ll begin making friends and find their future bestie. The reality is that children usually do not begin forming actual friendships until around four and five years old.
In the toddler years, you’ll see them begin paying more attention to what other children around them are doing, which is called Onlooker Play, and eventually engaging in Parallel Play, which is when they are playing near each other but not necessarily together. These are just two stages of play in a child’s development that support social and emotional growth and help them prepare for future friendships. As young children go through the various stages of play, your role is intricate in helping them prepare for their future friendships.
As parents of young children, you're likely already aware of the importance of social interaction in your child's development and understand that the relationships that matter most to them at this early age are the ones they have with you, other family members, and caregivers. Modeling positive behaviors in your relationships with your child and others teaches them social skills they will use with others.
Even though it may be a couple of years before your toddler discovers their BFF, ensuring that your child has interactions with other young children, such as in a child care program or with playdates, is a crucial building block for your child's social and emotional growth. Plus, when your child attends playdates or makes friends, it strengthens your parenting support system too!
Before we dive into tips on how you can foster your children’s friendships, here’s a reminder of why encouraging them to make friends is so important:
Why It's Important for Young Children to Make Friends
Þ Social Development: Making friends encourages your child to learn vital social skills like sharing, taking turns, and empathy.
Þ Emotional Well-Being: Friendships provide emotional support and can help your child navigate feelings like joy, sadness, and frustration in a safe and supportive environment.
Þ Language Skills: Interacting with peers boosts language development as children learn to communicate, express themselves, and understand others.
Þ Confidence Building: Success in forming friendships boosts a child's self-esteem and self-confidence.
We know that some children may find it challenging to make friends. Reasons vary but it's essential to be aware of potential barriers so that you can be supportive and help them work through any issues.
It’s common for children to feel anxious and shy when meeting new people. Some children are naturally reserved and may need extra time to warm up. You can help by not forcing immediate interactions, by providing safe and easy opportunities for new introductions, and by exhibiting friendly responses when in social situations. See below for other reasons that may be preventing your child from making friends:
Sibling Rivalry: If your child has siblings close in age, they might prefer their siblings' company over new friends. Try arranging playdates without siblings to help your child blossom in their absence.
Communication Difficulties: Children may struggle with verbal communication in their early years, making it harder to connect with others. Be sure to pay attention to developmental milestones so that you can address any early language challenges that may be impeding your child’s communication.
Temperament: Differences in personality and temperament can sometimes lead to conflicts among young children. Help your child build better self-regulation skills by practicing sharing and taking turns at home. Teach empathy and other emotions through role play, reading, and watching age-appropriate children’s shows such as Sesame Street.
Parental Over-Involvement: We’ve all heard about helicopter parents, but sometimes too much is just too much. It’s understandable that parents want to ensure their child is safe and facilitate interactions, but your children need space to navigate friendships independently to grow.
How Can You Help Your Young Children Make Friends?
Set an Example: Be a role model for your child. Show them how to be friendly, share, and resolve conflicts peacefully through your own interactions.
Playdates: Arrange playdates with children around the same age. Sharing toys and playing together in a controlled environment can foster friendship.
Early Learning and Care Programs: Part-time or full-time care with a high-quality and trusted early childhood educator provides ample opportunities for your child to be around children their age while developing and honing their social-emotional skills. Also, your child’s teacher is an excellent resource in providing you with info on who your child likes to play with so that you can arrange playdates or behaviors or other challenges that may be holding them back from friendships.
Join Parent-Child Classes: Enroll your child in classes like music, art, or swimming where they can interact with other kids and parents. Local community centers often have opportunities for social events, classes and workshops.
Playgroups: Join local playgroups in your area. This provides an excellent opportunity for both you and your child to socialize. Be sure to check for online parenting groups too if you can’t find a local in-person play group as these can sometimes offer meetups.
Parks and Playgrounds: Visiting parks and playgrounds frequently often lead to spontaneous friendships. Encourage your child to approach others and ask if they want to play.
Books and Stories: Reading books about friendship can help your child understand the concept better and learn valuable lessons about how to be a good friend.
Remember, every child is unique, and friendships develop at their own pace. Be patient, continue to provide your child with enriching experiences at home, and continue to provide opportunities for your child to socialize so that they can form the foundation needed for later friendships.
Explore more about supporting your child in making friends with these articles:
How to Help Your Toddler Make Friends (What to Expect)
Helping children make friends: What parents can do (Harvard)
When Do Toddlers Make Friends? (Babylist)
How to help kids make friends: 12 evidence-based tips (Parenting Science)