Help Your Young Children Name and Manage Their Emotions

The early years of a child’s life are filled with big feelings—and even bigger challenges in recognizing and understanding what those feelings mean. For children, emotions can be overwhelming, and without the language to describe them, they may express their feelings through tantrums, tears, or even by physically or verbally lashing out.

Teaching young children to identify and manage their emotions is an important step in helping them to develop emotional intelligence and resilience, which are indicators that they are more likely to have better relationships with others as they mature and do better in school.

Psychologists point out that children develop emotional regulation skills at different times and based on many factors such as genetics, their natural temperament, their home environment as well as outside factors such as how hungry and tired they are.

Experts stress that there is no wrong time to begin assisting children in learning about emotions, but the right time is always now.

Why Naming Emotions Matters

Before children can manage their emotions, they need to understand what they’re feeling. Naming emotions is a process that gives children the words to communicate their internal experiences. For instance, a toddler might cry because they’re frustrated, tired, or sad, but without the words to describe it, they rely on behavior to communicate.

Teaching children to identify emotions has several benefits:

1. Increases emotional awareness: Recognizing emotions helps children better understand themselves and others.

2. Reduces frustration: Naming a feeling can help children express themselves without resorting to physical outbursts.

3. Builds empathy: When kids can identify emotions in others, they learn to be compassionate.

4. Fosters problem-solving: Once an emotion is identified, children can learn ways to respond constructively.

Tips to Help Children Understand and Manage Emotions

1. Model Emotional Awareness

   This may be the top, science-backed suggestion: Model the behavior you want your child to exhibit. Young children are like sponges—they absorb the behaviors and attitudes of those around them. If you openly talk about your emotions, it teaches them to do the same. For example, you might say, “I’m feeling frustrated because I’m running late, but taking a deep breath is helping me feel calmer.”

2. Use Simple Language

   Start with basic emotions like happy, sad, mad, and scared. As they grow, introduce more feelings like frustrated, excited, and nervous.

3. Validate Their Feelings

   Instead of dismissing or minimizing emotions, acknowledge them. For example, “I see you’re upset because we have to leave the park. It’s okay to feel sad about that.” Validating feelings helps children feel seen and understood.

4. Create an Emotion Chart

   Visual aids are powerful tools for young kids. Create an emotion chart with pictures of different feelings (you can draw faces or use images). Ask your child to point to how they’re feeling during different parts of the day.

5. Practice Calm-Down Strategies

   Teach your child techniques for managing emotions when they feel overwhelming. These might include:

   Taking deep breaths (the “smell the flower, blow out the candle” method is fun for kids).

   Hugging a stuffed animal for comfort.

   Counting to five slowly.

   Dancing or jumping to release energy.

6. Role-Play Scenarios

   Practice naming and managing emotions through pretend play. For example, role-play a situation where a favorite toy is taken away, and model how to express frustration or sadness in a healthy way. You could say something like “It’s makes me frustrated when you snatch my toys while I’m playing with them. Let’s play with them together.”

7. Incorporate Daily Check-Ins

   Set aside time each day to talk about emotions. Ask open-ended questions like, “What made you happy today?” or “Was there anything that made you feel upset?” This builds a habit of reflection and emotional communication.

10 Board Books to Teach Emotions

Reading together is a wonderful way to help young children learn about emotions and strengthen bonds. Here are some engaging board books that teach emotional awareness:

1. The Color Monster: A Story About Emotions by Anna Llenas
   This beautifully illustrated book uses colors to represent different emotions, making it easier for young children to understand feelings like anger, happiness, and fear.

2. Today I Feel Silly: And Other Moods That Make My Day by Jamie Lee Curtis
   A playful and relatable book that explores a wide range of emotions children experience.

3. Grumpy Monkey by Suzanne Lang
   A humorous story about a monkey who learns it’s okay to feel grumpy sometimes—a great way to normalize difficult emotions.

4. My Many Colored Days by Dr. Seuss
   This classic uses colors and rhyme to explain the ups and downs of emotions in a way that’s perfect for toddlers.

5. In My Heart: A Book of Feelings by Jo Witek
   This heart-shaped board book introduces a variety of emotions and encourages children to reflect on their own feelings.

6. Llama Llama Mad at Mama by Anna Dewdney
   Through rhyming text, this book shows how little ones can navigate frustration with a parent's guidance.

7. The Feelings Book by Todd Parr

   Bright, bold, and simple, this book introduces a wide range of emotions in a fun, relatable way. Its colorful illustrations and reassuring tone make it perfect for toddlers.

8. Little Monkey Calms Down by Michael Dahl

   This story follows a little monkey who learns to handle big feelings. It’s a great introduction to calming strategies like deep breathing and cuddles.

9. When I Am Angry by Michael Gordon

   This book focuses on anger, showing children that it’s okay to feel upset and providing strategies for managing that feeling.

10. How Do You Feel? by Lizzy Rockwell

    With engaging illustrations, this book encourages children to identify emotions in themselves and others. It’s a great way to introduce empathy alongside emotional awareness.

Helping children understand and manage their emotions is a lifelong gift that will benefit them well beyond their early years. By modeling emotional awareness, creating safe spaces to express feelings, and using tools like books and calm-down techniques, you can foster emotional intelligence in your little one.

Learn more:

• An Age-By-Age Guide to Helping Kids Manage Emotions (The Gottman Institute)

• Understanding and Managing Emotions: Children and Teenagers (Raising Children)

• Ideas for Teaching Children about Emotions (Early Childhood Mental Health Consultation)

• Helping Kids Handle Emotions (Kids Mental Health Foundation)