Wondering If Your Toddler’s Behavior Is Typical or Concerning?
One moment your young child is the sweetest, most pliant being in the universe and next they are lying on the floor inconsolable while kicking and screaming, leaving you with your head spinning and wondering what in the world just happened.
Welcome to parenting a toddler!
The good news is that tantrums, meltdowns, aggressions like hitting and biting, and lying are “normal” behavior for most 2- and 3-year-olds. These behaviors are indicative of your child learning about their independence, testing boundaries, and shows that their cognitive, social, and emotional development is happening just as it should.
The even better news? In most cases, toddler behaviors do not last forever and can be minimized with help from you. Be patient with your child and try your best to meet these episodes in a positive, loving manner. With positive reinforcement, you can help your child work through these times when they are having a hard time communicating their specific needs or when their emotions are simply just too big to express or name.
Parenting Tips to Help with Behavior Struggles:
Control your own emotions and frustrations when your child is upset or exhibiting bad behaviors. Children model the behavior and actions of their parents.
Respond first with love and understanding: “I know that you are upset. It is okay to be sad.”
Validate what your child is feeling or experiencing and suggest a solution: “I know that you want to stay at the park longer but that is not a choice now. It is time to go home. Do you want to walk or me carry you?”
Find opportunities to praise the good behaviors: “I saw you and your friend having an argument over who got to swing first. I was really proud that you worked together to take turns.”
Be clear with rules and expectations: “I’m glad that you are keeping me company while we shop for groceries. Please understand before we go in that I am not buying any toys or treats today.”
Give your children choices to help with their independence and support problem solving: “Do you want to wear your tennis shoes or sandals today?”
Reprimand the action/behavior, not the child: “I’m disappointed you lied to me.” NOT “I’m disappointed in you.”
Start on a positive note: Do your best to make sure they are well-rested, fed and not overwhelmed. Don’t plan activities during dinner or nap time.
What If Positive Parenting Strategies Are Not Working?
There is a wide range of what is considered “normal” behavior but you know your child better than anyone. Ask yourself these questions, and if the answers are concerning, make an appointment to visit your child’s pediatrician to discuss your worries.
Does your child respond to redirection?
How severe are the actions you are concerned about?
How long have these behaviors been happening? How frequently do the occur?
Are these behaviors harmful to others or themselves?
Are your child’s actions disrupting their ability to learn at child care or in other environments? Do they get sent home from playdates?
Are they forming affectionate attachments to care givers and friends?
Are they experiencing any sleep or eating changes?
More reading to help you find the tips and support you and your toddler need:
